An 80 year old lady was being interviewed by the local news station because she had just gotten married – for the fourth time.

The interviewer asked her questions about her life, about what it felt like to be marrying again at 80, and then about her new husband’s occupation. “He’s a funeral director,” she answered.

“Interesting, ” the newsman thought.

He then asked her if she wouldn’t mind telling him a little about her first three husbands and what they did for a living.

She paused for a few moments, needing time to reflect on all those years.

After a short time, a smile came to her face and she answered proudly, explaining that she’d first married a banker when she was in her early 20′s, then a circus ringmaster when in her 40′s, later on a preacher when in her 60′s, and now in her 80′s, a funeral director.

The interview looked at her, quite astonished, and asked her why she had married four men with such diverse careers.

She smiled and explained “I married one for the money, two for the show, three to get ready, and four to go.”

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Why 4 Husbands ?

A little old lady was walking down the street dragging two large Plastic garbage bags behind her. One of the bags rips, and every once In a while a $20 bill falls out onto the sidewalk.

Noticing this, a policeman stops her, and says, “Ma’am, there are $20 Bills falling out of your bag.”

“Oh, really? Darn!” said the little old lady. “I’d better go back, and See if I can find them. Thanks for telling me.”

“Well, now, not so fast,” says the cop. “How did you get all that Money? “You didn’t steal it, did you?”

“Oh, no“, said the little old lady. “You see, my back yard is right Next to the football stadium parking lot. On game days, a lot of fans Come and pee through the fence into my flower garden. So, I stand Behind the fence with my hedge clippers. Each time some guy sticks his Thing through the fence, I say, ‘$20 or off it comes’..

“Well, that seems only fair” laughs the cop. “OK. Good luck! Oh, by the Way, what’s in the other bag?“

“Well, you know”, “not everybody pays“.

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Old Lady with Garbage Bags

Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home& devil in bed
But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home& economist in Bed.

What is the difference between men and pigs?
Pigs don’t turn into men when they drink.

What’s the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer?
A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

Mother: So, you want to become my son-in-law?
Boy: Not really, but I don’t see any other way to marry your daughter

There is a sign in the toilet of the Sex Change Clinic. It reads “We may never piss this way again.”

Why dogs don’t marry?
Because they are already leading a dog’s life!

What’s the diff between mother & wife?
One woman brings into the world crying & the other ensures you continue to do so.

Boss: I’ll give you 3000 per month and in three months, I’ll raise it to 6000. So when would you like to start?
Employee: In 3 months.

A recent study showed that the average husband only actually speaks to his wife about thirty-seven minutes each week.
Well, yeah, I can believe that, I mean just how long does it take to say “Uh-huh” or “Yes dear” or “I’m sorry” ?

Pilot asking permission to land said, “Guess who?”
Controller switches the field lights off and replied, “Guess where!”

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One Liners for Men

Three men a philosopher, a mathematician and an idiot, were out riding in the car when it crashed into a tree.
Before anyone knows it, the three men found themselves standing before the pearly gates of Heaven, where St. Peter and the Devil were standing nearby.

“Gentlemen,” the Devil started, “Due to the fact that Heaven is now overcrowded, therefore St. Peter has agreed to limit the number of people entering Heaven. If anyone of you can ask me a question which I don’t know or cannot answer, then you’re worthy enough to go to Heaven; if not, then you’ll come with me to Hell.”

The philosopher then stepped up, “OK, give me the most comprehensive report on Socrates’ teachings,”
With a snap of his finger, a stack of paper appeared next to the Devil.
The philosopher read it and concluded it was correct.
“Then, go to Hell!” With another snap of his finger, the philosopher disappeared.

The mathematician then asked, “Give me the most complicated formula you can ever think of!”
With a snap of his finger, another stack of paper appeared next to the Devil.
The mathematician read it and reluctantly agreed it was correct.
“Then, go to Hell!” With another snap of his finger, the mathematician disappeared, too.

The idiot then stepped forward and said, “Bring me a chair!”
The Devil brought forward a chair. “Drill 7 holes on the seat.”
The Devil did just that. The idiot then sat on the chair and let out a very loud fart.
Standing up, he asked, “Which hole did my fart come out from?”
The Devil inspected the seat and said, “The third hole from the right.”
“Wrong,” said the idiot, “it’s from my a** hole.”
And the idiot went to Heaven.

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Idiot goes to Heaven

At a wedding, the D.J. polled the guests to see who had been married the longest.

The winners were then asked, “What advice do you have for the newlyweds?“

The wife quickly responded, “The three most important words in a marriage are ‘You’re probably right’.” Everyone then looked at the husband.

He said, “Yeah, she’s probably right!”

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Advice for Newly Weds

Two men were out playing golf on a nice Saturday afternoon.

They were getting frustrated, though, because the two women who were playing right in front of them were quite slow, and were holding up the men’s game.

“Don’t they know their supposed to let us play through?!” asked the first man.

The other man shook his head. “I’m going to go ask them if we can play through,” said the first man, emphatically, “Enough is enough!“

He started walking over toward the women, but as he got close, he suddenly turned around and came back, white as a ghost.

“Oh God,” he said to his friend, “This is awful. You’re going to have to ask those women if we can play through. You see, one of them is my wife, and the other is my mistress!”

The other man shrugged, and said “No sweat.”

He walked over toward the women, and just as he was getting close, turned around and came running back to his pal.
His eyes wide open, he said – “Small world isn’t it!“

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Small world isn’t it !

A Polish man moved to the USA and married an American girl.

Although his English was far from perfect, they got along very well until one day he rushed into a lawyer’s office and asked him if he could could arrange a divorce for him.

The lawyer said that getting a divorce would depend on the circumstances, and asked him the following questions:

Have you any grounds?
-Yes, an acre and half and nice little home.

No, I mean what is the foundation of this case?
– It made of concrete.

I don’t think you understand. Do either of you have a real grudge?
– No, we have carport, and not need one.

I mean. What are your relation s like?
– All my relations still in Poland .

Is there any infidelity in your marriage?
– We have hi-fidelity stereo and good DVD player.

Does your wife beat you up?
– No, I am always up before her.

Is your wife a nagger?
– No, she white.

Why do you want this divorce?
-She going to kill me.

What makes you think that?
-I got proof.

What kind of proof?
– She going to poison me. She buy a bottle at drugstore and put on shelf in bathroom. I can read, and it say:
“Polish Remover”

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Polish Man, American Girl

A man is dating three women and wants to decide which to marry.

He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5,000 and watches to see what they do with the money.

The first does a total makeover. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, purchases new make-up and buys several new outfits, and dresses up very nicely for the man.

She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much.

The man is impressed.

The second goes shopping to buy the man gifts.

She gets him a new set of STRONG golf clubs, some new gizmo’s for his computer, and some expensive clothes.As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much.

Again, the man is impressed.

The third invests the money in the stock market.

She earns several times the $5,000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account.

She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much.

Obviously, the man was impressed.

The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money.

Guess which lady he choose to marry?

Think like a man . . .

(scroll down for the answer)

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He married the most beautiful one.

Men are Men…. Obviously!!!

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How Guys select a Girl

It was the end of the school year, and a kindergarten teacher was receiving gifts from her pupils.

The florist’s son handed her a gift.
She shook it, held it overhead, and said, “I bet I know what it is. Flowers.”
“That’s right!” the boy said, “But, how did you know?”
“Oh, just a wild guess,” she said.

The next pupil was the sweet shop owner’s daughter.
The teacher held her gift overhead, shook it, and said, “I bet I can guess what it is. A box of sweets.”
“That’s right, but how did you know?” asked the girl.
“Oh, just a wild guess,” said the teacher.

The next gift was from the son of the liquor storeowner.
The teacher held the package overhead, but it was leaking.
She touched a drop off the leakage with her finger and put it to her tongue.
“Is it wine?” she asked.
“No,” the boy replied, with some excitement.
The teacher repeated the process, tasting a larger drop of the leakage.
“Is it champagne?” she asked.
“No,” the boy replied, with more excitement.
The teacher took one more big taste before declaring, “I give up, what is it?”
With great glee, the boy replied, “It’s a puppy!”

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Dont be Overconfident

May be you are the King of the world

May be you are Most Dangerous

May be you are Independent

May be you rule others or Rule the World

May be you are loved by Everyone

Either you are Gentleman

Or the Most dangerous Killer

But the Truth is

At Home

A WIFE is a WIFE

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It Does not matter, Who you are…